Or something like that. With that in mind and with no further hairdo, I mean no further ado, here we go.
Name change notices: I've always suspected the name change columns in our papers offer a glimpse into a whole alternate existence, one that I long to be part of even though I'm strangely unwilling to change my name.
For example, what went through the minds of the people who issued these notices, all taken from various Indian papers and all verbatim? And do non-Indians also change their names in great numbers, can anyone tell me?
- I have changed my name from Jignesh Anil Patel to Jignesh Anil Pokar.
- I have changed my name from Sudisha Mahabala Hegde to Sadish Hegde.
- I have changed my name from Orlando Viterbo DeSousa to Warren d'sousa.
- I have changed my name from Mr Seshmal Jawanmall Devendrakumar to Mr Jain Devendrakumar Jawanmullji.
- I, Antoinette Maria Alphonsa Pinto ... do hereby affirm that I have changed my name from Antoinette Maria Alphonsa Pinto to Tina Maria Bleach with immediate effect.
- My name appears in passport is Amar Ismail Dalvi which is incorrect & correct name is Ammar Ismail Dalvi.
- I Gajanthody Babu Deju have changed my name to Gajanthody Babu Deju Salian.
- I, Ravi N Katti who had changed his name from originally Ravi N Katti ... is reverting back to his original name Ravi N Katti. [I used Ravi's notice in an earlier post].
- I have changed my name from JOHN VICTOR FELIX to JOHN NICTOR RELIX.
- By affidavit dated 15th March ... Vivian William Dcaccia and Vivian William Decaccia is one and the same person and Vivian William Dcaccia means Vivian William Decaccia and none else.
Then there's the entirely different alternate existence in the classified and personal columns. See below. Some names are changed, but I assure you there have been no public announcements to that effect. I also assure you these are all verbatim:
- HOBBY CLASSES: Small batches, personalised attention, short courses, learn vegetable curving, napkin folding. 12 to 2 noon.
- Win Infenity of Heights & Depths of Life Again & Again. Use Shakti oil/caps. An Ayurvedic Medicine.
- Drawing and Painting classes for children & Adults. Speciality in live portraits, landspaces and entrance exam.
- All India Lion Talent Exam. ... Topmost result is "LION RATNA" inscribed on the gold plate. Man does not exist in isolation & goes dull without competition. Competition awards speed, sharpness & recognition to your talent. To be legible for the exam age bar is first time dropped & a student studying in a bonafide class is legible.
- This auspicious day ... we got a rich gift from God in Heaven. He is Soumitro Abheek Bannerjee. Pray kind God bestow upon him all the best of his blessings. -- Thammi, Dadai, Didun, Dadun, Mamani, Pishamani, Dada, Didi, Mom, Mamadadun, Mamididun, Mamamani, Mashimoni, Ma and Bablai.
- Babi-Ma/Monima (Shreyo and Subhadra Roy) -- Congratulations on completing 32 years of wedded life and heading for the Ruby. A big thanks for being such wonderful parents and grands. -- Bappa, Soma, Buria, Buro, Gabbu, Jhumpi, Gupi, Buri, Gali, Mampu, Bimbi, Tuti, Tinda, Ghanta and Chhorda.
- IN MEMORIAM: In undying memory of noble mother ... as long as great mountain straight nose proudly stands, as long as sacred river flows, as long as engineers are devout their engines power by the name of horse, as long as loved dogs are remain blind obedient to their master, so long your memory remain deep in our hearts. Crying sons, Papa and Paul.
- I am a Bombay settled Kerala Roman Catholic 31/172 working Government of India drawing 70,000 per annum from good looking educated girls.
- BIRTH: Thakur. On January 26 to Sheila (Bansal) and Prakash, God's gift of a son. ... Cousin for Sutapa, Bharat, Dakshy and Lavanya and a brother for Weak Tea.
Till next time, I remain [NAME CHANGED].