August 25, 2005

None of the above

Found an flyer (again!) for a local School of Electronic Technology in my morning paper not long ago. It contained an "aptitude test" and this sentence: "If you can solve this aptitude test, you may do well on ours."

And this, I swear, is the aptitude test in its verbatim entirety. Remember, I swear:

    1) What is 50% of 50?
    (a) 25 (b) 33 (c) 47 (d) 50.

    2) If India's capital is New India, then the capital of France is:
    (a) Buenos Aires (b) London (c) Paris (d) Panama.

Remember, verbatim.

I took a stab at the test, as I trust you will, too. Allow me to congratulate myself for answering the first question after just 15 or 20 minutes of intricate calculations. And I even got the right answer. (Psst: it's (c) 47. Don't tell anyone).

Encouraged, and with my calculator handy, I began work on the second question.

Now if you're like me, you're looking for either "(e) All of the above" or "(f) 27" as an answer to question 2. Well, there's bad news then. The offer in the ad is clearly not for you. It is not for me either. What is the offer, you want to know? Verbatim again: "A fantastic fee reduction of up to Rs 7000/- on any of our Computer Hardware Courses."

Sorry, not for us.

So if you're like me still, you're pretty disappointed right about now. Me, I decided to formulate my own test and take it, so there! I even managed to answer every question. Probably correctly too. OK, so I won't get up to Rs 7000 off one of those Computer Hardware Courses, but I'll live with that. What I'll do is, I'll give myself Rs 7000 off my phone bill for the year.

Nevertheless, I'm going to share the test with you.


Here it comes!

    1) On what day of the week is Monday Night Football played?
    (a) Monday (b) Night (c) Monday (d) Monday (e) August

    2) In which country is Tokyo, Japan located?
    (a) Japan (b) Tokyo (c) Ghana (d) Japan (e) 27

    3) When they say "when they say", who is that "they" they are talking about?
    (a) Me (b) You (c) Them (d) All of them (e) Japan

    4) Which letter comes after "e"? (Hint: "f")
    (a) a (b) c (c) e (d) All of the below (e) 27

    5) If by solving an Extremely Difficult Aptitude Test, you get a fantastic fee reduction of Rs 7000 on a Computer Hardware Course That Uses Capitals For No Apparent Reason, what might the original fee for that Course have been?
    (a) Rs 2,000,007,000 (b) Rs 0 (c) Rs 7000 (d) Monday (e) They pay you Rs 2,000,000,000

    6) What is Bombay Duck?
    (a) Duck (b) Quail (c) Bombay (d) 27 (e) Quayle, Dan

    7) All of the above.
    (a) All of the above (b) None of the above (c) All of the below (d) Bellow (e) Bellow some more

Answers: Sure there are answers.

0 - 10: Excellent!
10 - 27.41: Superb!
27.41 - 78 : Great! You owe me Rs 7000.


Come in! Oh, you're from the phone company? About that Rs 7000? What's that long stick you're carrying? You see, it's like this, I did this quiz and ... what's that? Oooh, ow! Hmm. Thanks! I didn't much care for that left knee anyway, thanks so much for smashing it to pulp.

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