Yoga begins now

Items recently found in papers.

***
Classified section in Mid-Day, section titled "Fitness":

Viva Beauty Parlour New Management/New Staff. Full Body Message ...

Archies Beauty Parlour new management/new staff ...

"Sadhana" newly started perfect body treatment or body pain ...

Kandivali West newly opened, new management/new staff ayurvedic Full Body Massage, For Body Pain Mental Tension ...

Newly opened "Ramiya Beauty Solution" ...

Sakhi newly opened Health Center ...

Newly opened "Shivani Beauty Parlour" ...

New Management/new staff "Rupam Beauty Saloon" ...

Believe me, that's just a sample. Of some 60 such ads, easily 45 claim to be either "newly opened" or under "new management/new staff". What's this about, is there a sudden epidemic of beauty saloons? Or are the management and staff simply moving from one parlour to the next?

***
Matrimonial in Hindustan Times:

Match 23/162, Slim, B'ful, B. Com (P) Int. Dsgn. III yr. Dip. Trimmer Sorry.

Is that Intelligent Design? And why should the Trimmer be Sorry? Who is the Trimmer anyway?

Besides, has SMS-speak invaded the matrimonials? The page I'm looking at is chock-a-block (or shld tht be chk-a-blk?) with "b'ful" and "ttlr" and "wkg" and "profnl" and "h'some" and "iss.less".

I don't get it. Aren't these ads charged by the word? So what's saved by compressing words? What's gained by the one character saved in compressing "issueless" to "iss.less"?

***
Interview with Tanushree Datta, Mid-Day. Alongside is a photo of a green backless dress, filled by the lady.

Question: Five handbag essentials?

Answer: My mobile, wallet, car and house keys, face powder, mirror, perfume and mini-makeup kit, which includes kajal and mascara.

Oh good. And how many fingers on your right hand?

***
Astrology queries, Hindustan Times:

Question: What does the future hold for me? -- Vishnu Priya

Answer: Things will improve in the main period of Sun. Good future is in store for you. Neelam will be lucky or you.

In other words: Wait for the sun to come up (the "main period"). Do away with Neelam (so she won't be lucky and you will). Visit the nearby store and search for your good future.

Tip: Stay far from the cops investigating Neelam's disappearance.

Question: When will we have a child? -- Ram Bharose

Answer: The possibility of being blessed with the child from April 12, 2006 to June 14, 2008. The yoga for this would begin after October 16, 2005.

Hmm. They call it yoga now?

***
Agony uncle column in same issue of Hindustan Times:

Question: Of late I have really started liking my yoga teacher. We have never spoken to each other on anything apart from yoga. What should I do?

Answer: Don't feel guilty that you lke your yoga teacher. Converse with him. You can start talking on frivolous things and then get to the point. Let him know your feelings.

Also, wait till after October 16, 2005.