December 25, 2005

Resembles a microphone

Some Christmas cheer from here and there...


'Twas the night before Christmas, and I strolled down to the liquor store to pick up some ... well, liquor. As I entered, a young man holding several folded Christmas stars -- you know those things that you hang in a balcony -- accosted me. "Sir," he said, "I'm from Seagram's and we have a promotion on. If you buy two bottles of our Scotch whisky, you get a Christmas star completely free!"

What a deal. I'm not sure how I resisted it, but I did.


From the Hindustan Times supplement, Style Weekend (December 23):
    Feel like a True Star: Modern and sensual best describe the True Star Men collection. Inspired by Enrique Iglesias' sexy, yet easy-going style, the fragrance has a crisp, invigorating scent and then relaxes the the senses with a warm blend of notes. A soft-spiced wood fragrance, True Star Men's begins with the cool crispness of a pink grapefruit, blended with mysterious tone of black licorice.

    With clean lines and an elegant demeanour, True Star Men Eau de Toilette bottles are ... designed to resemble a microphone.

Two strikes, already. One, I really wanted white grapefruit. Two, a bottle shaped like a microphone? Please! Give me one shaped like a loudspeaker, every time!


Excerpts from the Love Actually column in HT (December 24):
    Hi GirlsL I am Vasu, a smart and matured guy from Mumbai ... My hobbies are reading, music, sports, travelling, hotelling & making friends.

So tell me, Vasu, is hotelling sort of like storytelling? No? What does one do when one's doing this hobby hotelling?
    Hi to all: Friends are like shoes, some loose & some tight, some fit just right. ... Any body can mail me of my size. This is Anil 19 from Mumbai.

So that 19 is your size? In any case, why are you so insistent that only people of your size can mail you?


In the Navi Mumbai Special in HT (December 24), I rest my weary head, no my weary eyes, on a headline that reads: B.B. Nayak -- Putting Navi Mumbai on the world map.

Nayak has set various world records, and wants to set, in total, 72. Why? Because "someone has already set 71 world records."

Now there's a Mt Everest we can all identify with.

"I'm sure with my breaking the records repeatedly," he is quoted saying, "people will start to realize the importance of sports, fitness and those who are involved in it."

Among Nayak's records are, and I shall resist the temptation to wince, these:

On November 14 1998, he set a Limca record for "being kicked in the groin 43 times."

On July 13 2002, he set a Limca record and applied for a Guinness one for, and I'm still trying hard not to wince, "3 concrete blocks smashed on groin."

Excellent techniques to broadcast the importance of sports, fitness and those involved in it. Don't know about you, but if this was me I would have put Navi Mumbai on the world map too. Specifically, by screaming.


In HT Brunch, the Sunday magazine (December 25), I come across a lengthy ad from Andhra Pradesh Tourism, singing the virtues of the temple town Tirupati. Some excerpts, verbatim:
    Tirumala - Tirupathi, Pilgrimage Cengre for Personification.

    Tirumala Tirupathi is one of the most famous pilgrimage centre, in Andhra Pradesh, India is hurled by thousands of devotees of Lord Venkateswara everyday throughout the year. ...

    Discover Andhra Pradesh. In-Incradible India.

Incradible, isn't it? Pilgrims visit this place for personification and then hurl India everyday! Incradible, I tall you.


The Asian Age has a Sunday books supplement called page. A regular feature is a caption contest, "Speak Easy", where they give you a photo and ask you to imagine what someone in the picture is thinking.

Speak Easy #224 (December 25) has a picture of "Irfan Pathan celebrating the dismissal of Upul Tharanga, during the third and final Test Match between India and Sri Lanka in Ahmedabad."

And the contest: "Write in not more than 10 words what Urmila Matondkar is thinking."

Here's my entry. Urmila's thinking: "Damn! They know Irfan's really me! Back to the bikinis!"


Ashok said...

You sure know how to cheer up a boring Monday :)

zap said...

ashok...not if youv'e been blissfully drinking beer all day..
Dilip... I've never seen Urmila in a bikini. I always miss the good stuff!

wise donkey said...

and BB Nayak ouuuuuuuuuch.