June 28, 2006

Mother is very nice

The net has arrived, truly. Today's Hindustan Times has a news item about the state bureaucrat Uttam Khobragade. ("Controversies dog bureaucrat Khobragade"). He has been transferred six times in three years, which has given people the impression that he is controversial.

What does Khobragade say in response?
    "I have delivered wherever I was posted ... If you want to know what I've accomplished, log onto Google. You will find several pages on me."
Performance by Google hits. You heard it here first.

Well, in HT first.


The "academic wing" of the RSS, Sanskar Bharati, is upset about some new NCERT Hindi text books ("RSS livid over abuses in Hindi text", same issue of HT). One of these textbooks apparently has this English poem:
    Dance little baby, dance up high, never mind baby and mother is nice.
For once, I'm with the RSS. What on earth is this nonsensical bit of doggerel, what is it doing in a textbook, and especially a Hindi textbook?


Still on the same issue of HT. There's a prominent ad titled "Security Systems" and "The Time has Changed". This is for something called "Micro-VBB Vehicle Black Box", which will apparently let you "Secure your Car Globally through your Mobile Phone."

Also, "You can keep a constant watch on your valuable vehicle and can communicate with the person inside the car from anywhere in the world."

Ah, so this is for those times when you've landed in Ougadougou and you think to yourself, "Gosh and darn it, did I forget to lock the old Scorpio back in Jor Bagh?" So you punch a few buttons and voila! It's locked.

What I want to know is, when you punch those buttons, does the thief who has stolen your Scorpio and is driving around in it get locked in? (What a way to catch a thief).

And can you communicate with him from Ougadougou? If so, what would you say?

"I'm keeping a constant watch on you from Ougadougou, OK? Please take the next left and turn yourself in at the Barabanki police station. No, not right, left. Left! Dammit, I mean it, all the way from Ougadougou! LEFT!"


Anurag said...

Also, what if you are in Ougadougou and you lose your cellphone? You are truly screwed then, aren't you?

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

You are hereby informed that the undersigned has the sole and exclusive option of use of the (TM) name "Ougadougou" in all materials published on the world-wide web, including but not limited to blog-posts, pop-up ads, chain-mail forwards and memoirs of Jenna Jameson.

You have been warned.


Dilip D'Souza said...

JAP, yeah, but Jenna Jameson is MINE!

Anurag, if you're in Ougadougou and you lose your cellphone, I think the question to ask is, "Who you gonna call?"

The answer is, "Jenna Jameson".