From cheater

Want to know what makes this country tick? You could do worse than read newspaper ads. I don't mean the splendid full-pagers for some new vehicle with a name like "Santra" or "Mosambi". I mean the smaller ones. Here's a sample from an issue of the Hindustan Times last month (June 30).

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Ad for the Kohinoor Business School in Khandala lists various "salient features" (wi-fi campus, one month free study tour to Canada, education loan, excellent placement record, etc) of its Bachelor's programmes.

But those are listed in the middle of the ad, in routine-sized black type. What's the feature mentioned right at the top, in a larger bright red font designed to catch your eye?

Foreign Education in India
This, because Kohinoor has a tie-up with Carleton University's Sprott School of Business in Canada. The power of that word "foreign".

I'm waiting for the day when we'll see an ad that says prominently at the top: "Indian Education in India". I suspect it's going to be a long wait.

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Later in the same paper, you will find a small item that looks like news but really is just part of a large "marketing feature" and is therefore just an ad. It is about the same Kohinoor Business School, and it reads thus:

The refreshing monsoon not only gives respite from heat and humidity but also greens the life around. In case you too want to green your career, do attend a seminar by Sprott School of Business ... [etc]

All right. But I want to know, what will give us respite from ludicrous connections made by marketers? (The monsoon and careers? Right). Will I find out at this seminar? Or do I go to business school to learn how to make them?

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Same paper also carries a marketing feature on "Bihar education at a glance." Lots of ads for Bihar universities, short writeups about some of them, all very well. Then I run into this small item that is titled:

AM College Gaya: Committed to object-oriented education
Wait a minute, I think. I used to know a little bit about object-oriented programming, but what on earth is object-oriented education?

Naturally, I have to read the writeup under that title. It says:

Anugrah Memorial College, Gaya ... adopts a balanced approach in providing value based traditional higher education as well as modern job-oriented vocational education. Present principal Dr Haridwar Singh has a vision and dedication to do something special for the college and students as well.

[italics mine]

Ah. Some clever headline writer thought "job-oriented" was too dowdy, and turned it into "object-oriented." More stuff to be learned along with connections to the monsoon?

In passing, let me applaud that particular vision for the college. "Do something special", what an idea.

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Turning away from education, let's look at massage and escort services. (Stop jumping up and down). I've remarked on these before, but they deserve more attention. Here's the text, verbatim, from a few of these little ads, same issue of HT:

Welcome Guest,s Home & Hotels serve. Selected Models Stylies Decent Soft Spoken, Presentable Highgienic Realable, Very Charming Male/Female.

Indian, Arabian, Russian/Turkish. Hi Profile Ellite Decent Well English spoken celebrities, Models kinds Male/Female Masseurs Available.

Want to get Relaxed? Call us to have Elegant Warming Well Spoken Indian, Russian Arabian.

Bollywood Glomour Home & Hotels serve. Ultra Beautiful Highly qualified celebrities magazine models Male/Female 24 Hrs. Free of coast A/c rooms avail. Be careful from cheater.

As always, some questions.

Personally, I prefer Lowgienic realable people. Possible?

What's the deal with Indian Arabian Russian and so forth? Why no Fijians, or Sao Tomeans?

What would a "Warming" person do? On second thoughts, I don't want to know. As long as they are lowgienic.

I really would like an A/c room on the coast. Why would you put me in one that's free of coast?

And thank you, cheater. Thank you for your warning to be careful.