March 03, 2007

Open tomorrow

A certain Bombay dude (you know who you are) has been bombarding me with email and calls, demanding that I tell him in excruciating detail all that happened at the Lingerie Night I mentioned here.

Of course, I didn't attend, mainly because it hasn't happened yet. (It's next Tuesday). Also mainly because I've left that part of the world.

But as I drove through Gulfport, Mississippi, this morning, I braked suddenly and pulled into an empty parking lot, my tires screaming almost as loudly as the guy in the vast pickup truck behind. Because I had just passed a small edifice, standing by itself, called "Eve's Apple". And it had "Open" displayed prominently.

Got out of the car and read the whole sign: "Eve's Apple: Take a Bite -- Lingerie, Lotion, Adult Novelties and DVDs".

Raced through grass and mud towards the place, thinking here was the perfect way to spend the next several hours, hang the drive. The "Open" blinked invitingly ... then I reached, and a very tiny sign on the door informed me that the hours were 11 am to 9 pm. And it was only 9 am.

So much for taking a bite.

I get back in my car disconsolately and trundle on. Just down the road I pass another prominent sign: "DNA Paternity Tests".

And nearby is "Toucan's Mostly Mexican Restaurant", with an obviously permanent board outside that reads thus: "FREE BEER TOMORROW TURN HERE!"

Now that's good. Any day you turn in there expecting to quaff the bubbly for free, they can charge you and say "it's free tomorrow! Not today!"

Sort of like erecting an "Open" sign above an establishment that actually isn't open till later.

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