Raindrops keep fallin'

Nuggets from various publications, offered with titular comment:

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That's right, I'm absent! Damn!
From full page ad for Chate Coaching Classes (Hindustan Times April 15), section titled "Our Staff":

Absentees are informed immediately over telephone at their residences. This is to keep check on their punctuality and discipline.

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That's sort of, you know, so kind of kind of you
From "Kurt Vonnegut, counterculture's novelist, dies at 84" (HT April 13):

"I think he was a man [with] a sort of steady moral compass, who was always sort of looking at the big picture ...", said Joel Bleifuss.

...

"He was sort of like nobody else," said Gore Vidal.

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Life of Brain in Port of Spian
In "Lara dominated our team meetings", column by Javagal Srinath (HT April 15):

Number of times the cricketer Brain Lara's name is spelled correctly: 5

Number of times his name is spelled -- if you can believe it -- "Brian Lara" instead: 3

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Books, sports, academics ... what was that other one?
From "Sex And The City", Q/A column featuring sexologist Dr Kavan Lakdawala (Hindustan Times Cafe April 15):

Q: I am in my teens and I have a boyfriend who is 21 and we have indulged in sex. These days, he is out of the town on work most of the time and I miss having sex. What should I do?

A: You seem to have become obsessed with the physical pleasures associated with sex. ... [T]ry to divert your energies and priorities. You need to focus your energies on other activities like books or sports or academics.

Self-masturbation may be an alternative for you though.

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Not tonight, honey, I can't turn off this shower
From "Yin and Yang", Q/A column featuring Feng Shui Master Mohan Deep (DNA WestCoast April 15):

Q: ... The colour of our bedroom walls is blue. A poster of the Niagara Falls is on the Southeast wall. Is this correct Feng Shui?
-- Ritesh, Goregaon (W)

A: [H]aving water in the bedroom can cause problems in a marital relationship.