Only fitting

Picture of a fetching young lady on the back of DNA's Sunday magazine Me (October 14), measuring herself across a fetchingly embroidered bra. Below, it says this: "Get measured by Boudoir London's British trained bra fitting experts. Don't be part of the bra fitting statistic."

Now this is an ad for an establishment by name "Boudoir London" (whose motto, I'm thinking, has got to be: "If it's Budhwar, it must be London"). And naturally, it raises questions in my mind.

Like, what might a "British trained bra fitting expert" be? I mean, is there actually a training course in Britain where you learn how to fit bras, much as another course might teach you to fly, or to be a policeman, or to operate the merry-go-round at a fair? How might such a course be advertised? ("Learn Bra Fitting in 36B, sorry 36, days, or your money brack, sorry back!") And is it the case that British bra fitting training establishments are among the best such in the world, so much so that mentioning "British trained" in this context carries a certain weight? And are there people who actually make their way to Britain to take this course, much as others might go to study biology at the University of Sussex? ("Yes, Mr Heathrow Immigration Officer, I'm here to learn how to fit bras. What's that? Oh, you want to sign up too? Please don't leave your desk, Mr Heathrow Immigration Officer! Slow down, Mr Heathrow Immigration Officer! Hey, wait for me!")

And how long might such a course last? And what might it involve anyway? I mean, how many lessons in bra fitting can you possibly impart, or possibly imbibe? ("Lesson #137: How To Keep Your Hands From Wandering. Your Mind? Never Mind"). Now I understand that many students might want to practice a lot, I mean a whole hell of a lot -- but nevertheless, what are the intricate and arcane details of bra fitting that might need weeks or months to learn? And what do you get at the end, a Brachelor of Arts degree? Can you put that on your resume? ("Education: BA, MSc, Diploma in Bra Fitting, PhD. Experience: Wouldn't you like to know?").

As you see, lots of questions, and I'm sure you have plenty more too. (Besides, I want to know where this fits, no pun intended). Tell you what. Wait for Wednesday, and flood Boudoir London with all your questions. Don't bother looking for me, though. I'm already on my way to Bratain, sorry Britain.

PS: What's the "bra fitting statistic" and why should you ladies not be part of it?