What's on, heading home?

"What's the name of the new Aussie allrounder?"

"Watson."

"I said, what's the name of the new Aussie allrounder?"

"Watson."

"The allrounder! His name! And stop calling me son!"

"OK, I shan't."

"Come on, I know that's Sharma, the Indian fast bowler."

"Who's he?"

"Now why're you bringing Hussey into this?"

"No, who's he?"

"Right, Hussey. Why drag him in?"

"Who?"

"OK, let's get this straight. Had you or had you not mentioned Sharma a minute ago?"

"Hadn't."

"Haddin? The wicketkeeper? Why him now?"

"No, hadn't mentioned Sharma."

"Haddin mentioned Sharma? Have you been drinking, dude?"

"Hadn't."

"Haddin again! What's on with him?"

"I dunno, maybe. They're on the same team."

"Who?"

"Haddin and Watson."

"I'm lost! Let's start again. What about the allrounder?"

"Watson."

"There you go again. Just tell me, can you give me his name?"

"Sure can."

"Zaheer Khan? That's the other Indian fast bowler!"

"No, no! Watson!"

"The allrounder! Don't call me son!"

"Watson!"

"I give up. I tell you, this is enough to make a cat itch."

"That's the new opening batsman, Katich."

"Yeah, a cat itch. So what?"

"Katich, the new opening batsman."

"The opening batsman's got a cat itch too?"

"No, he is Katich!"

"What kind of stupid joke is that?"

"No, the opening batsman!"

"Who's he, now?"

"Hussey? Dammit, I'm talking about the opening batsman Katich!"

"That's right, who's he and why does his cat itch?"

"Now I give up! Look, didn't you mention their new wicketkeeper just now?"

"Haddin."

"Of course you had."

"Yes I had! Haddin!"

"Well, make up your mind, for crying out loud."

"Haddin, I said, Haddin!"

"That's what I said. You mentioned Haddin."

"That's right. Haddin, Ishant ..."

"You shan't what?"

"Ishant! Talk about the fast bowler!"

"Fine, don't talk about him!"

"No, Ishant!"

"That's right, you shan't. Maybe can't."

"OK, good. Zaheer."

"Did I hear what?"

"No, Zaheer!"

"Yes, did I hear what?"

"Zaheer! You said maybe Khan."

"Did I hear I said ... what's on with you, man?"

"No, Watson's the allrounder, and dammit, why would he be with me?"

"Are you getting angry now? Stop pointing!"

"Where's he going?"

"No, I said, stop pointing!"

"But where's he going, and why should I stop him anyway?"

"Who?"

"Ponting."

"I'm sick of this stuff. I'm outta here. Heading home now."

"The other opener! He's at home? I know he's been underperforming, but they sent Hayden home?"

"I don't know. I guess it's likely."

"What's like Lee?"

"Not him!"

"That's right, Hayden's not like Lee. One's an opening batsman, one's an opening bowler."

"It's likely! It's likely! Will you ever understand? Not Lee, the fast bowler!"

"Ishant?"

"You shan't understand? That's it then. This is starting to feel like war."

"Mark or Steve?"

***
Previous: Who's coming tomorrow?

As ever, debts to Abbott, Costello and Carson acknowledged with bowed head.