May 02, 2011

Unbearded

About now (the morning of May 2 2011) might be a good time to inflict this on you. It's something I wrote as an entry to a "flash fiction" (I think that's the name) contest, one of those things in which you have to write a story in exactly 50 words.

That's how long this story is, exactly 50 words. I wrote it when a certain President visited India, late last year. I changed one word before posting it here: pat on the back to the person who guesses which that word is.

Enjoy, or not.

PS: It won me nothing.

***

Unbearded

One letter separates your names, said the acolytes, but you must become him. Practicing in my Pakistani hideaway, I perfected every mannerism, that thousand-watt smile. Today they dance to welcome me, these fatuous, intoxicated Indians. Not even this Michelle, elegant beside me, knows. Wise the advice to shave my beard!

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh no, Osama is dead. Now who will you worship?

Uzma said...

Afghanistani changed to Pakistani?

Kapil said...

Pakistani for Afghani - seems am late though

Nikhil said...

Are you not going to ask your Human rights pals to probe this? Was this a false encounter?
Dear Dear What happened to your righteousness? Ha Ha Ha.

Send some condolences to Arundhati Roy. Poor thing needs all you lib guys comfort.

garima said...

Boy what a treat (??) to come here, dilip, and see one comment saying you worshiped OSama, and, another making feeble taunts about human rights.

Takes all kinds, doesnt it. The all-out nuts like these two, to go with the osamas.

Jai_C said...

it felt good to see and hear ppl cheering at Gzero. lets bask in their closure, even if we cant get any for ours.

i hope some of the 26/11 plotters were visiting their guru when this came down. only way i can think of that they will get what they deserve.

wish he had gotten dawood over too for some bad-guy bash.

thanks.
Jai
PS: anons above, you may be interested in reading DD's post after 9/11. It begins something like this IIRC:
" i hope they get the bxstxrds. the sick bxstxrds who did this "

Nikhil said...

Garima Dear
In case youy have not noticed, I am helping Dilip with some suggestions. Here is one more:

In the next e mail exchange with Beena Sarwar, ask the followign questions:
How come Osama was found in Pakistan while all the time, Pak was singing that he was in Afghainstan.
How come the location was so close to Islamabad - next to a military training school with so many officers living there. It was also a tourist spot.
Have the Pakistanis made a deal with the US and given them their main target and then will be given a free hnd for the future?
Will Taliban and LET be given a free hand now? Highly likely. What should we do?
Hang Modi, Advani, Thackeray etc? Who else? Will they stop attacking after we do that?
That should keep you and your pals busy for the next 2 years. More articles, more e mail exchanges and more people to people contacts.

Mast Qalandar said...

Dilip,

Even if you were to write a blog post in which the only thing you say is "2+2=4", you will probably still get trolls who'll say

"Oh no,2+2=4. Now what will you do Dilip?"

or

"Now that 2+2=4, are you not going to ask your Human Rights pals to probe this? Is it a false statement? Dear dear, what happened to your righteousness?"

Pathetic!

Anonymous said...

The reason you short story didn't win any prizes is because it sucked. Take that as constructive criticism. You do better (somewhat) when you stick to travelogues. Don't worry your pretty little head on these political matters. Those issues are for grownups.

Dilip D'Souza said...

At least the judges who didn't award me a prize for this entry were not frightened of their names.

Jai refers to this article I wrote nearly ten years ago.

Indeed, "Afghani" changed to "Pakistani"! Pats on the back (separate ones) to Uzma and Kapil.

Thanks Garima and MQ.

Nikhil said...

Even in an article on 9/11, Dilip was gloating that Bush did not call Vajpayee.
At least Vajpayee, Manmohan and others were not double-crossing the Americans like Mushy and his like.
But for you dictators, generals and others who had more blood on their hands than Thackeray, Tytler, Modi and all their likes here combined are preferable.
As mentioned these are times you reveal your true intentions.
So when Americans die, get the bloody Bxxtxxxrds. But when Indians and particularly Hindus die, - well they deserved it. After all they have always winked at 1984, 1993, 2002 etc.
Which is why the request for the e mail exchange to continue.

Nikhil said...

hope some of the 26/11 plotters were visiting their guru when this came down. only way i can think of that they will get what they deserve.

wish he had gotten dawood over too for some bad-guy bash.

Jai Biut as i have mentioned, dont we deserve all these atrocities - at least many guys keep hinting at this.

Why bother about Dawood - We need unconditional peace with Pak to be safe. Some more e mail exchanges would be of great help

Anonymous said...

Nikhil: Where do you blog your defence of Hindus? Nowhere I am sure. Your silence lets Dilip sound even louder to your own tortured ears. Besides, Dilip makes much more sense than you do. So kindly put up or shut up, thank you very much.

Nikhil said...

Using Dilip's language, people who ask others to shut up are scared to use their own names.
Sorry - cant shut up. again courtesy Dilip

Anonymous said...

I see no point talking to well-heeled Pakistani elite who live in denial of the nature of their state and verge on the jingoistic and defensive when the issue is brought up. Some Indians bend over backwards to please these weird characters. Drawing false equivalences between India and Pakistan to appease them is part of the routine. If you are bad, we are also bad. If you have extremists we also have extremists. If you kill people we also kill people. If you have Shahid Afridi, we have Gautam Gambhir. Nothing wrong with your Islam at all, our Hinduism is worse. And so on the charade goes. The point of the game is not to talk blunt and deliver a reality check to our darling estranged brothers and sisters but to force the idea that they are just "people like us" down *our* throats. D'Souza deserves to be commended for not yet scaling the heights of of discussing "shared" cultural attributes like butter naan and sufi music, but he cannot be accused of not trying to push the envelope.

Pakistan is so far down the road of self-deception that this make-believe is superfluous. They don't need our assurance that their state and society are not particularly evil. Join the game if it makes you feel virtuous to claim that we are the ones who are equally evil.

Dilip D'Souza said...

The self-deception, it seems to me, is in those who are content in trying to show that India is superior to Pakistan, and who bristle at anything that frays that effort.

That bristling alone tells its tale.

I couldn't care less who is "superior". But I know some truths about Indians and India, some at random below:

* Gambhir's remark, off-the-cuff as it might have been, was offensive by itself.

* There are people I have visited in this country, without any huge effort to go to especially remote areas, who cannot buy rice at the govt-programme Rs 3/kg; this has prompted govt to institute a sub-programme to sell them Rs 1/kg.

* Pretty much the same number of people were slaughtered in Delhi in Nov 1984 as were slaughtered in NYC in Sep 2011. Ten years later, a measure of justice caught up with Osama. 27 years later, no measure of justice has caught up with any of those who led the Delhi slaughter.

* There are news reports of dishonour (forgive me, I will not use the word "honour") killings in different parts of India all the time (about three every day according to this report).

* The amount of money mentioned in our 2G corruption scam (Rs 60000 crore) is pretty much the GDP of Iceland ($12bn).

To those who draw conclusions about the state of Pakistan's "state and society" and their "self-deception" from various truths from Pakistan, I'd like to ask: what conclusions do you draw about India's "state and society" and our "self-deception" from truths like the ones listed here?

Dilip D'Souza said...

Dilip was gloating that Bush did not call Vajpayee.

My article mentions reports that speak of "disquiet" that Bush did not call Vajpayee. It speculates that one possible reason for that might be that Vajpayee had not shown any particular desire to punish terror in India like in 1984/1992-93/2001.

That speculation is, no surprise, turned into "gloating".

Nikhil said...

2001? What happened in 2001 in India? I am missing something here. Speculation? Were you reading George Bush's mind? Did you know him personally so as to speculate why he did not call Vajpayee.

Anyway thanks for the laundry list you provided us.
BTW justice caught up with Osama - So Pakistan and their navy seals killed Osama and brought him to justice. That is news to me. Last i heard that Navy seals were from their US. You are so keen to please your candlelight brigade that you went wrong on the facts.
But sample this - one military ruler you mentioned that we should make peace with has more blood than all the people killed in all the events you mentioned

Dilip D'Souza said...

What happened in 2001 in India?

What, is it your method of reading to search articles for the word "Vajpayee" and then pronounce that the writer is gloating about something connected with him, ignoring everything else in the article?

You didn't see the mention of something that happened in 2001 in the article? Go back and look again. Hint: you'll find it about where you see the number "2001".

So Pakistan and their navy seals killed Osama and brought him to justice. That is news to me. Last i heard that Navy seals were from their US. You are so keen to please your candlelight brigade that you went wrong on the facts.

You don't tire of this tactic either, pronouncing that someone has said something outlandish that they never did say, and then just leaving it there? Your faith in whatever your own beliefs are is that shaky, that you have to instead rely on throwing lies about?

Nikhil said...

Ok. Did not read the bit about the hospital. But again, Bush called up Mushy (again emphasize he has more blood on his hands than all the rioters combined). This is only because it is in America's self interest. Wonder when Bush worried about 1984, 1992, 2001 and other problems. But you certainly gloat about it given your hatred for Vajpayee.
Amazing how everything is the world comes back to 1984, 1993 etc but not 1990, or direct action day
There are people I have visited in this country, without any huge effort to go to especially remote areas, who cannot buy rice at the govt-programme Rs 3/kg; this has prompted govt to institute a sub-programme to sell them Rs 1/kg.

Who was responsible for this? The same leftist /socialist ideas that have kept us poor and backward. something at least our reforms have reduced to some extent - same reforms that you keep on questioning. Why not continue your blog - other india etc. Your fellow travellers - especially Shivam Vij have some great ideas there.
But you misssed the main point. The attack was by US and we were discussing India / Pak. But in your rush you actually made a mistake. Never mind

Chandru K said...

Bush didn't call Vajpayee because of what occurred in Nov/1984 or Jan 2003??

What kind of garbage is this? By the way, India IS superior and more progressive, open, democratic, secular and pluralistic than Pakistan. India is constantly striving, in its own way, to empower more people, of all backgrounds, and also to increase, not diminish, the degree of freedom that exists in the country, within reasonable limits( it draws the line at vicious separatism in Kashmir and elsewhere)

garima said...

Its almost funny, dilip. You say this - "The self-deception, it seems to me, is in those who are content in trying to show that India is superior to Pakistan"

and whaddaya know, up pops a guy saying exactly that! "By the way, India IS superior".

Chandru K said...

Okay, Garima, India is inferior in every way to Pakistan. Are you soooo happy now. Pakistan is more democratic, open, pluralistic, secular, and progressive. Pakistan is more economically and technologically dynamic; Pakistan is internationally more independent and progressive, since it is far less dependent on global powers for its economic and industrial needs. Pakistan is far less supportive of global terrorism, particularly global Islamic terrorism, than India, which has been propping up Osama Bin Laden, and Mullah Omar from day one, and giving them shelter.

Chandru K said...

Anyway, the point is that D'Souza and his ilk will go out of their way to show that India is inferior, or at least as bad, as any country. If one were to contrast the degree of religious freedom and plurality in India with Saudi Arabia, D'Souza will construct data and use phraseology, to portray India as 'just as bad', or Saudi as 'just as good'. And the same for x-country or y-country India is compared with.

Mast Qalandar said...

Dilip

Do you really feel that Obama is just Osama without the beard?

Just curious ;)

MQ

Mast Qalandar said...

I guess what I meant to ask was whether there is a revision of your opinion of Obama now, compared to the earlier impression he made on you as recounted in "The Roadrunner".