All moisty-eyed

Been an extremely wet day. Would have stayed at home, but I had to struggle all the way into town for an appointment that was set up in ... February. Yes. In February, for 10 am on July 3. I do not make this up.

Reminds me of the (true) story of my pal Ivan in the old Soviet Union who wanted to buy a car, sometime in 1977. He goes to a car dealer in Moscow and looks over the boxy little Trabants and Pravdas or whatever the hell they were called, those rinkydink little Soviet cars. Finally, he decides on one of the vehicles.

"I want that one," Ivan tells the salesman.

"Fine!" says the salesman. Consults his books, then tells Ivan: "We can have it delivered to you in 1987."

"1987?" asks Ivan. "Which month?"

The salesman looks mildly puzzled, but looks at his books again and says "August."

"August?!" says Ivan, now looking perturbed himself. "Which day in August?"

The salesman gets a look of exasperation, but flips the pages again and says, "23rd."

Ivan is simply horrified now. "Morning or evening?" he bleats out in consternation.

The salesman has had enough. "Look chum, we're talking about a delivery that's ten years away! You want to know the month, then the day, and now you want to know the time of day? Are you out of your blinking mind?"

Ivan yells back: "But I have to know! I've got the plumber coming that morning!"

...

So anyway, fond memories of Ivan. But that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because of the wet day and the promise of more wet days to come. I've been scouring the newspapers for hints on how to keep dry and look good in this weather, and finally hit paydirt in a helpful item titled "Rain-proof yourself", in the Hindustan Times (June 29). "Celebs give you their best rainy day tips", it says, and there are at least three excellent ones. Drink this in:

First, Candice Pinto tells us:

It's a necessity in the rains to wear waterproof mascara. Use caked or oil-based blush-on, but it's ideal to go without makeup!

Nice! So I caked on the waterproof mascara, or was it blush-on, enough to cut it with a knife. But wait, Candice wants me to go without makeup. What do I do now?

Second, VJ Ramona advises:

A monsoon essential is moisturiser. I'm actually in between Clarins and Shineido now.

Good point! But isn't the monsoon itself sort of ... moist, you know? And me, I'm in between Shinseido Shorin Ryu and Shotokan myself, been considering Jiu-Jitsu too. Though I'm not fully sure, how does doing all this martial art stuff keep me moisturised in the monsoon? Sweaty yes, but is that the same thing?

Third, Kashmira Shah has this:

Wear any products that are natural. Use waterproof mascara, you don't want streaks of black on your face. And always wear bras!

Great! I'm off to Passion d'Elle, the nearby bra store. Hope they have stuff in my size, 34 waist by 34 inseam.