June 23, 2006

Said ingest, with onion

Today, I shall do you all a big favour. I am going to explain the blubbertarian position on ingest to you. I realize you didn't ask, I also realize you don't care. But I know I have this knowledge, and I have to give it to you, and so I am doing just that. (Giving it to you).

Let's first define what we mean by ingest. There are two possible meanings.

First, it means doing something for fun. Like for example: "Kanakadurga told me I was an idiot ingest." Meaning, Kanakadurga was only joking when she told me I was an idiot. (The real joke is, of course, on her. Because I really am an idiot).

Second, it means eating something. For example, fashionable modern mothers say it to their kids all the time. "Ingest up, ingest up," they'll say, "ingest up, dammit! Or I'll call the police!"

What's that? Now come on, do understand, they say it ingest. They don't really mean to call the police, don't worry! So ingest away. (They're also saying it to their kids, so why you took it personally is beyond me).

So now that you've got the hang of that, let me explain a little bit about blubbertarians. We blubbertarians believe, above all, in the individual freedom to cry. To the blubbertarian, three words in that phrase ("individual freedom to cry") are important: "individual", "freedom", and "cry." (Well, "to" is pretty important to).

The individual is supreme, his freedom is supremer, and his crying is beyond supreme.

In fact, the way blubbertarians cry is a proud example to mankind. We learn the method from a book called The Fountain Said, by the famous German writer Eine Grand. (Note: It's a pseudonym. She called herself that because that's how much money, in pfennigs, she made from writing the book). In the title, the most important words are "The" and "Fountain". (Well, "Said" is pretty important too). That's a reference to how the tears should flow when we blubbertarians cry: like a fountain.

So we really are super-league world-champion cry-babies, we blubbertarians. Which is why we call ourselves "blubbertarians". "Blubber", or "cry". Get it? "Blubber", meaning "cry", get it?.

Anyway, to blubbertarians it is very important that you have the freedom to blubber -- whenever you want, wherever you are, and the more the better. We believe mankind has suffered enormously wherever this freedom has been curtailed. In fact, we get so upset by this suffering that we cry some more.

And now about ingest. The thing about ingest is, which meaning are we blubbertarians taking a position on?

You'll cry copiously -- and so be well on your way to becoming a blubbertarian -- when I tell you the answer: both!

Yes sir. So on the fun bit, we blubbertarians say: no way! We believe nobody should have fun, because then they'll tend to blubber less. The more people develop a sense of humour, the harder it will be for blubbertarianism to spread. So blubbertarians have developed a unique response for when anyone says something ingest. Whatever it is, we simply sit down and cry, willing our trained tears to erupt from our eyes like fountains. We have also worked hard to kill off our individual senses of humour, and we believe it's vital to kill off everyone else's as well.

On the eating bit, blubbertarians say: yes, go ahead and ingest, but with plenty of raw onion. Brings on the tears, see. (The onion).

So there you are. That's the blubbertarian position on ingest.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go blubber out today's quota of tears. That's what The Fountain Said.

51 comments:

Dot said...

Classic!

TTG said...

My my, what a TTG-esque post...I'm impress. You just need to add a fuck and a shit in the middle there somewhere, since you've finally stooped to my level...

Anonymous said...

You should send this to The Onion. they will ingest this in print. sorry. they will print it inkjet.

Abi said...

Thank you so much for doing us all this 'big favour'. Having ingested your message, I have just four words: Rolling on the floor crying. The words 'on' and 'the' are important too ...

Anonymous said...

Kids, this is why you shouldn't blog after smoking pot. You risk looking like a deranged idiot.

Anonymous said...

Zimply psueperb!!!

And it takes him 2 months to come up with this shit...

We should write laws to achieve something, not to express our feelings.

The post with the highest think only factor. A post on which puking should be madatory. Ironically Blue boy puke king is grovelling and picking his brains as to what is it that he failed to see in this post. Truly, there must be something wrong with him that he cannot find the insight.

More power to you to expose these vultures. Seriously one of them even wrote a post (deleted later, possibly after sane ppl told him facts about the person in question) finding logical fallacies in Hirak's post on Rand and coffee. I lost it at that point. I mean puh leeeeeeeeeez at least learn to change your diapers before you take on someone with an IQ 200 times yours and who has been reading since you were 3.

Anonymous said...

Oh well, it was expected. The death of a once-decent writer. It's funny really to see you kill yourself. Funny and painful and in a way liberating. Don't worry, I shall shed a tear for you

onlooker said...

Why do you bother wasting time on these pests. Let them be. Do not degrade yourself and lose your dignity arguing with them. Not that I am a great fan of yours, but I despise their shallowness even more. You are the Ellsworth Toohey of the blogosphere and know exactly what you are doing with your specious arguments, but unfortunately they aren't Roark and Rearden to just let you be. Their ego and hubris is not commensurate with their ability to think. Unfortunately in your case your ability to think is incongruous with your ability to write brilliant prose. Both, you and the cartelians are made for each other.

Pathetic losers both of you. In Marathi there is this saying...

Tujhe mazhe jamena, pan tujhya vachun karmena. Both the cartel and you need each other. Follow each other's blogs zealously and then come up with such shit. Well, why am I complaining. We get to enjoy from the sidelines. Especially its fun watching anons here curse. They lack the creativity to do it well yet can't resist shooting from their hip.

By the way one suggestion/request/plea... Get Shivam Vij out of other india. I understand that as Toohey incarnate you want to bring down standards to mediocrity, but frankly all other writers are so good that he sticks out as an oddball. Do the due.

Dilip D'Souza said...

onlooker, thank you. Here's a serious question, who is Ellsworth Toohey? I swear I don't know. Please explain.

Here's another serious point: I swear I wrote this only after a post on Desipundit that I left a comment, mentioning salt, on.

Anonymous said...

TTG:

>> You just need to add a fuck and a shit in the middle there somewhere, since you've finally stooped to my level...

Isn't imitation sincerest form of flattery :)

The Great Ganesha said...

nicely done...

barbarindian said...

By the way one suggestion/request/plea... Get Shivam Vij out of other india.

Onlooker, Shivam Vij IS other india. If anyone can get anyone else out of that site, it is the other way around. Shivam Vij basically conned a motley group of wannabe liberals including an IAS officer, a metallurgy professor, an NRI from Latin America and some others into joining the site. Soon many of them scrammed as soon as they discovered Shiv's increasingly loony stance and political connections.

left-anarchist said...

I second Anon and Barbarindian. Get that pretentious character out of other india. Your readers will thank you. He pulls down the entire image of your site.

left-anarchist said...

This is because your earlier anon isn't responding. This is who Ellsworth Toohey is. I know you already knew it but this is for your readers. I think there is some substance to the comparison between you and Toohey. Will look for it henceforth.

Shivin said...

I have observed that usually the wars between the libertarian cartel and the typist cartel, as TTG calls them, follow some kind of a pattern. Some relevant issue is being discussed, differences arise, and it descends into a full-fledged flame war.

This post however surprises me, especially coming from Dilip, since he is the most restrained of the lot. I see no provocation for this post, except for the fact that Saket said Ravikiran is universally admired.

Why this unprovoked attack on the blubbertarians, I wonder.

Anonymous said...

Barbarindian is right. I have not seen Uma, Anand or Vikrum write anything onthe blog in ages. Shivam does seem to be driving away the more sensible contributors.

Commie said...

Lost and Found

Dear Mr DD,

We have found your marbles at Mumbai central. Please come and collect the same

Thanks,
Commissioner BMC

Shivam Vij said...

barbarindian wrote: By the way one suggestion/request/plea... Get Shivam Vij out of other india.

Barbarianindian: One suggestion for you. Please get yourself out of the blogosphere.

I don't think I am answerable to you, and neither are The Other India bloggers - ten of us by now. And I didn't get all of them together; Dilip invited me.

A regular commenter here said...

Aaah! Finally someone says what is on everyone's mind. Dilip, no one will write this using their own name and blog address but this is not just whispers but a collective stifled scream in the blogosphere... Shivam Vij is more intent on self-promotion than anything else.

If you delete this comment, no problem, I can understand. Your serious readers know that you aren't Toohey. Just for a moment be sincere to yourself and ask whether you can find a single, I repeat single post by Shivam till date where you can shower praise like you did on Annie Zaidi in your previous post.

Why allow someone to use other india space for gloating and juvenile holier than thou pronounciations? Why smother readers with copy paste jobs and closed comment sections?

Observe how posts on reservations by Abi and Shivam differ in their quality of arguments. People even debate in a relatively sane manner with Abi and engage in discussions on a topic that is so emotionally fraught and explosive.

Delete this comment if you must; but please please please please please rid HTOHL from Shivam's moronic grip.

regards,
a sincere well-wisher

Dilip D'Souza said...

Shivin: here you go.

Commie-ssionner BMC: Keep the marbles, your need is as great as mine. You're welcome.

A regular commenter: no one will write this using their own name and blog address.

Why? Is there an axe-murderer waiting to bring an axe down on whoever does so?

I took a moment and was sincere to myself and thought about your question. Answer: yes. I can find such a post. Enough said.

Finally, why would I delete your comment?

Shivam: I cannot believe you reacted like that. As we've discussed before, please leave guys to dig their own graves.

Anonymous said...

I took a moment and was sincere to myself and thought about your question. Answer: yes. I can find such a post. Enough said.

But you can't recall, remember, name or even link to such a post? Truly enough said.

a regular commenter here said...

No one will write because not everyone wants to be in league with Nilu. People don't like to be known as harsh critics. Also I did rather you delete this comment and the previous one cos I don't want to hurt that Shivam chap. I would like to give him the benefit of doubt on account of his immaturity and shred his self-confidence. Besides, the person under question also has a record of mixing personal issues with sane arguments.

Still here is one person who is on a similar ideological side as you guys are and yet has criticised Shivam in this post openly. (I am not him, sp Shivam don't troll his blog for God's sake.)

Pity that your response to sincere suggestions too is same as your response to trolls. Anyways, as a well-wisher of Other India I did what I thought was right. Aage tumhari marzi. If you think he is on par with Annie Zaidi, you and Abinandan then seriously it leads me to question your ability to understand people.

a regular commenter here said...

Typo in the earlier posting:

I would like to give him the benefit of doubt on account of his immaturity and shred his self-confidence.

should have read...

I would like to give him the benefit of doubt on account of his immaturity and NOT shred his self-confidence.

Dilip D'Souza said...

Amazing where we've come, from ingest to tests laid down by anonymouses (!).

Anonymous 202: I don't take tests. Enough said.

a regular commenter: My response to you is not the same as to run of the mill anonymouses -- I did say I took a moment, didn't I? I value what you say: but, always, please do allow me the leeway to reach different conclusions from ones you reach.

If we at HtOHL paid attention to every opinion that's offered to us on how to run (or not run) the place, we would have shut down a long time ago. That we generate the kinds of reactions we do is, I believe, one tribute to what we are trying to do there.

In other words, I don't think any of us is interested in winning popularity contests. Instead, we are interested in giving people things to think about. We are fully aware that in doing so, some of us and some of those things will also rub people the wrong way. That's the way it goes. We're up for it.

Rustom Daroowalla said...

Very good arguments, Mr D. I'm rolling on the floor laughing. Just like I do whenever I read your posts. Ingest, of course.

confused said...

Interesting!

Regular commentator,

First, I find most of Shivam's writing immature and his conclusions hasty. I also think he has low respect for contrarion opinion and seems to assume that people will not understand him.

Second, but why should the above mean that Shivam is not entitled to write on other India site or any other site for that matter? We as readers are not being forced to read him, are we?

Third, yes, and here I agree with Dilip. Why should anyone have a problem writing under his own name. I have always left comments under my name. Why should not I? What will Dilip/Shivam or anyone else do if I disagree with them? Please do not blame your weakness in not able to write under your own name on other people.

barbarindian said...

barbarindian wrote: By the way one suggestion/request/plea... Get Shivam Vij out of other india.

Barbarianindian: One suggestion for you. Please get yourself out of the blogosphere.


Barbarindian didn't write that, he merely quoted it. Read the comment chain.

Yeah sure, blogosphere tera baap ka jaagir hai na, just like Indian government and the constitution.

Dilip D'Souza said...

confused: ... immature and his conclusions hasty.

Which, you realize, describes 100 per cent of bloggers.

I have always left comments under my name.

Of course you have, confused. Just remind me again, was it Confused Kumar Paswan or Confused Errol Wright?

confused said...

Dilip,

Ah! Is that what the argument was all about? That I am supposed to leave my actual name behind? Ok, then fine it is Rohit. Dilip, I am not someone famous like you, so I see no purpose in commenting by my real name, I think it is quite immaterial. The point I was trying to make was that I do not adopt another name just to criticize someone. Whether I praise or criticize, I always do it as confused with link to my blog. Thats all.

Reuben'a' said...

WOW!!!! What was I doing? How did I miss this???????? This post should have been made on a weekday. The response to Shivam's ouster would have been massive.

Dilip, yes everyone rooting for Shivam's removal is dead on target! GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT!

And forget confused here. No one in her right mind will tell HTOHL people this using their blog name. Ardent fan and supporter warning you, he is nothing but trouble. Keep him at your own rise. We love you Abi Vikrum Uma and Annie. Get him out. He is lowering your standards by his blatant artifice.

Anonymous said...

Is Dilip himself writing these messages under anonymous pseudonyms? Is Mr. Toohey trying to send a message to Shivam to get his act together. Why hasn't Dilip deleted messages that are so insulting to Shivam and those too in a public fora. He has deleted obnoxious commets many times before. On occasions Shivam has returned the favour. Anyone who knows Dilip through real life interactions (trust me, I do) knows what a sweet talking politician he is. Is this political masterstroke by backstabbing Shivam and praising Abi?

Probably Ravikiran should shed light on these issues in the next question answer session. Vulturo can even call him the Sherlock Holmes of the blogosphere.

Dilip if it is indeed you who is engineering this, hats off to you. And even if you aren't it is very politically astute and intelligent to allow keeping these comments for everyone to see. Hats off to the Ellsworth Toohey. Shivam, I did be looking for a new career if I were you.

Dilip D'Souza said...

Oh my, the tactics people use! What a delectable selection on offer here.

Which makes me repeat a couple of sentences from earlier on this page:

If we at HtOHL paid attention to every opinion that's offered to us on how to run (or not run) the place, we would have shut down a long time ago. That we generate the kinds of reactions we do is, I believe, one tribute to what we are trying to do there.

barbarindian said...

That we generate the kinds of reactions we do is, I believe, one tribute to what we are trying to do there.

Beg to disagree. You hardly anticipated this response. You thought that the gullible Indian "middle class" would go all mushy at your wit and communal witch-hunt and stampede the poll booths to vote for a certain party. Unfortunately for you that didn't happen. The only suckers who fell for it turned out to be direct beneficieries of "free seats for all" campaign, which is in the same vein as "no stupid left behind" campaign belonging to a certain country. Also, this is the same country that houses two parties from one of which your entire playbook is internalized from.

But you are still acting all smug because you know you guys can always fall back on the tried and tested Garibi Hatao which has metamorphosed into the common minimum program in the 21st century.

But that perhaps will not get you much respect as a wannabe author despite your witty quotes of french Humpty Dumpty and Hickory Dickory Dock.

Dilip D'Souza said...

I just noticed! Welcome, Gaurav. Glad to have you here. My masterstroke anywhere near as masterly as Karan Johar's?

Dilip D'Souza said...

confused: The point I was trying to make was that I do not adopt another name just to criticize someone.

And you didn't need to make it. It's one of the (several) things I appreciate about you.

Still, I think I kind of like Confused Errol Wright ... may I call you that?

The other half said...

Notice how the invividualists are lying low these days. I think people ought to focus on the political happenings within the blubbertarian high council rather than within HTOHL.

Confused and Falstaff have changed the balance of the blogosphere. (and they are good at how they argue) Individualists are losing their senses, furtive efforts by Vulturo not withstanding.

Amit is linking more to fun stuff than individualistic clap-trap, Madhu's sweetmess has vanished, Yazad Jal I hear is now on Dilip's side and the contributer Sauvik is a marijuana addict. Ravikiran can no longer live up to the hype. Gaurav is reduced to leaving anonymous comments here as Dilip has brilliantly exposed.

HTOHL supporters, stop victimising Vij. He is no gee whiz but he is the foil. He is the leftist Ann Coulter counterpart. They can froth at their mouths but his posts are so ridiculous and devoid of content that the right wingers cannot even begin to criticise it. And so we win the battle. Dilip knows this, trust him. These heartless Blubbertarians will meet their nemesis soon.

Shivam said...

ROTFL!

confused said...

Lolz!

This is among the funniest comment section on this blog: Dilip, I take back my words, you disappoint me no more. :)

Guys, why do you want to throw Shivam out of anywhere? When he can generate so much humor :)

confused said...

And yes I prfer,

Confused Carrol Paswan, best of both worlds so as to say. )

Dilip D'Souza said...

After the frenzy.

Yazad Jal said...

Yazad Jal I hear is now on Dilip's side

You heard wrong.

Dilip D'Souza said...

You heard wrong.

Shucks, Yazad! I'm crushed!

Still, I'm on your side.

Yazad Jal said...

Dilip,
You are? Terrible! I thought you would be relieved!

To "The Other Half",

I, too, would be very interested in knowing more about "political happenings within the blubbertarian high council", of course, if such a council exists.

And as usual, I'm intrigued about an anonymous commenter making allegations about someone else's supposed anonymous comments.

Yazad Jal said...

I just realised that "the other half" was simply repeating an accusation made by Dilip.

I just noticed! Welcome, Gaurav. Glad to have you here. My masterstroke anywhere near as masterly as Karan Johar's?

Dilip D'Souza said...

Yazad, how could you? That's no accusation, that's a warm welcome. A warm welcome to you too.

neha vish said...

My! Don't we all take ourselves too seriously?

Dilip D'Souza said...

We do, Neha, we do! And sometimes we need someone like you to come tell us so in no uncertain terms. Thank you for that.

Yazad Jal said...

Dilip

Thanks for the warm welcome.

I'm not accusing you of not welcoming Gaurav. I'm accusing you of accusing Gaurav of being the anonymous commenter (June 25, 2006 9:14 AM) without any proof.

Neha,

You've met me. Serious? You accusing me of being serious?? Is that a serious accusation???

Dilip D'Souza said...

Wrong, Yazad. It was a warm welcome to my friend Gaurav. No more, no less.

zigzackly said...

All the fun I miss by only reading feeds. Sigh.

By the way, Dilip, comment moderation and word verification? Choose a camp, laddie. It's all about taking sides.

Anonymous said...

Hey - turn off the comment mods. This is the funniest post and funniest comments section I have read in a long long time.

And let us know what Gaurav's IP address was :-)